Dear Body...

Dear Body,
I was so proud of you, and me, yesterday. 249.6lbs. The lowest since...highschool! I rejoiced! I sang! I danced! I told everyone on twitter! I shouldn't have. We're back over the 250 mark again today, body. I am so disappointed in us.
Let me list my weight since the 27th of October:
27th: 252.2
28th: 250.6
29th: 250.3
30th: 250.4
31st: 250.2
1st: 250.9
2nd: 250.4
3rd: 250.1
4th: 250.7
5th: 249.6
6th: 250.7

Thanks body, thanks.

Sincerely, green_eyes   </3

Dear World...

Dear World,
I've begun writing a lengthy entry about how I'm fat and have been fat for ages. But let me summarize some of it: I'm fat. I've been fat for ages. I've tried everything and all things with little or no success. So, like all good little, friendly little, dieters/fatties, I've started a new diet. OH WHAT A SURPRISE. They have me weighing myself everyday. So I am, and do you know what, dear world? I've lost 7.8 pounds on this fucker! But for the past 6 days or so...nothing. If anything, I've GAINED weight. So here's a story, through k-pop gifs, of my morning:

My expression this morning when stepping onto the scale.

A moment later, upon closer investigation of said scale, this.

Realizing it’s my fault, yet again: Combination this and this.

Doing fine outside, on the inside, however, combination this and this.

I've been listening to Rain's "Love Story" on repeat, ALL DAY today, which is not good, because now, dear world, I'm depressed as fuck. Mostly because it's such a sad, melancholy song (and I'm forever alone). But also because he's hot as hell and dances like...hnnnnnng.... (And that final "Saranghae..." just KILLS me every time.)

It's just...you see world, I'm just so fed up. "Sick and tired of being sick and tired." And, like I've said, I've tried. Tried everything and failed. And now this "miracle" I'm working on seems to be failing as well. It makes me want to cry. No, it doesn't make me want to cry, it does make me cry. Cry and cry because, what it boils down to, world, is that I feel unworthy of absolutely everything because I'm fat. That's why I've yet to do anything with my life. That's why I'm living at home, with my parents. That's why I picked the safe route in school and studied essay-course material so I wouldn't need to overreach my social profile.

That's why I have never, and never will TRY. That's why my only form of social interaction is to put myself down in a sarcastic way. I'm just...not worth anything.

And I can't even write anymore. I used to write poems, world. I can't anymore. I just can't.

Dear world;

Did you know that the only reason I'm not dead is because I'm a coward?

Did you know that the only reason I'm not Bulimic is because I can't force myself to throw up? I've had migraines since grade 2, so I've mastered I stopping myself from throwing up, so now I can't even if I try. And I've tried. And, again, failed.

I'm just so fed up with everything right now.

Sorry for ranting, world. But you know me, I don't ask people for help or let people see my emotions. You're all I've got.

Sincerely, green_eyes   <3

Dear Korea/Tiffany...

Dear Korea/Tiffany Hwang,
Oh my goodness, you girls and your eyesmiles! Seeing your smiling face, your shining eyes, makes ME smile. Your smiles make my day SO much better. Thank you!

Sincerely, green_eyes   <3

Dear Internet...

Dear Internet,
Sometimes, most times, I love you. You make my life worth living, you give me joy and knowledge and make me smile. Most times. Right now is not one of those times. Right now, I'm crying. And I feel like both eating chocolate and throwing up.
Why did I have to find this site?

Why can I never, EVER, be skinny enough to be happy?
Sometimes, internet, you make me hate myself, more so than usual.


Sincerely, green_eyes

Dear Korean Dramas.....

Dear Korean dramas,
Please, for the love of all that is holy, stop using english in your dramas. The Actor is a French man playing an American boyfriend. WHAT. IS. HE. EVEN. SAYING?
I have no idea. This is absolutely hilarious bullshit. HILARIOUS.


Sincerely, green_eyes   <3

Dear Gong Yoo and Yoon Eun Hye...

Dear Gong Yoo and Yoon Eun Hye,
I love you two. You are both SENSATIONAL actors! So talented and such amazing individuals. And, it must be said, that you're both insanely good looking. So please, please please please, let this be true:

http://www.allkpop.com/2011/09/gong-yoo-confesses-that-his-ideal-type-is-yoon-eun-hye

"On September 6th, Gong Yoo attended the press related premiere event for his upcoming movie, ‘Crucible‘.


Knowing that Gong Yoo has starred with some of Korea’s top female actresses including Jung Yoo Jin, Im Soo Jung, and Yoon Eun Hye; reporters couldn’t resist to ask the question, “Who is your ideal type?”   Gong Yoo started to laugh and replied, “Kang In Ho (main character) will answer that question.”


Gong Yoo then commented that Jung Yoo Jin’s perfect characteristics could be a little overwhelming.  In regards to Im Soo Jung’s innocent appeal, Gong Yoo replied, “Innocent women could also be a bit boring“.  Finally, Gong Yoo admitted that if he had to choose an ideal type, he would want to meet a tomboy. Yoon Eun Hye was a tomboy in Coffee Prince, so the reporters assumed he was talking about her.


However, Gong Yoo stressed to the reporters, “What I just said is not directly targeted to Yoon Eun Hye, so please don’t write otherwise” which caused everyone to laugh.


On a side note, ‘Crucible‘ is a movie based on a true story about disabled students mistreated by the principal and teachers alike at a handicapped school.  The movie will open in theaters on September 22nd."




Don't kid, Gong Yoo, you know you love her. <3



Sincerely, green_eyes   <3

Dear Impending-Doom...

Dear Impending-Doom,
Ya, no thanks. Maybe next time. Thanks, bye.


Sincerely, green_eyes   <3

Dear "The Vineyard Man"...

Dear "The Vineyard Man,"
I thought I wasn't going to like you. Mostly because the subtitles were some obnoxious bright teal colour. Also because I was used to seeing Yoon Eun Hye play a tomboy/ pretend to be a boy in "The 1st Shop Coffee Prince" (another AMAZING  drama), so seeing her play a girly-girl who is WAY too obsessed with fashion and finding a rich husband sort of threw me off. But, as is most always the case with K-dramas and myself, this one grew on me. By episode 2, I was hooked. I just watched the final episode again, for the second time. Both Lee Ji Hyun (played by Yoon Eun Hye) and Jang Taek Gi (played by Oh Man Suk) went through SO MUCH and everything went SO WRONG for them all the time, and then (as per all romantic-comedy k-dramas) everything goes SO RIGHT at the end. And I watch that final episode with the biggest, goofiest, stupidest grin on my face because they are so happy so I am so happy!
But then it's over, and I realize how pathetic my life is....so now I'm feeling...really really depressed.
So, Korea, and "The Vineyard Man," I've asked it before, and I'll ask it again: Why can't I live in your K-drama land?


Sincerely, a severely heartbroken green_eyes   <3

Dear Birthday...

Dear Birthday,
Well, that happened.
Thanks for reminding me that I'm now a twenty-FIVE year old waste of space/piece of crap/loser that lives at home with no job, no talents, and no real skills at all. Thanks.


Sincerely, green_eyes

Dear Korea...

Dear Korea,
I love your dramas. And yet, at the same time, I hate them. They make me happy, angry, sad, confused. I find myself laughing, yelling, grumbling, exclaiming, and crying while watching them. And then, as I watch the last episode and I find myself crying and crying and crying, I become heartbroken. Why can't I live in your K-drama land? Sad panda.


Sincerely, green_eyes   <3

Dear Cousins...

Dear Cousins,
Why do you insist on taking such ridiculous pictures of yourselves, and then post them as profile pictures on Facebook? Also, Cousin 1, stop posting obscure song lyrics about death and shit as your status'. And Cousin 2? Stop spamming status' (by way of misinterpreted lyrics about love) about your HORSE. That's fucking creepy as fuck.


Sincerely, green_eyes   <3

PS.
As a side note, this is MY profile picture. It's my sister and I in a mall photoboth, and then I "improved" it. It's pretty awesome, if I do say so myself.

Dear Alcohol...

Dear Alcohol.
Why does the mere smell of you disgust me? Make me ill, nauseous, sick...why?
I mean, sure my teetotaler-ism...ness is awesome, and yes it has put me in awkward situations with people who like to drink, and yet I still love to proclaim that I am a teetotaler and all, it's just that sometimes....
....Well, sometimes I feel like the only solution to a problem is to drink in excess. But I don't, because I can't. I don't know if that's a good thing or not....


Sincerely, green_eyes   <3

Dear Jack Layton...

Dear Jack Layton,
You were the leader of the "Official Opposition" party in Canada, the NDP, the New Democratic Party. You were the charismatic man who had a bushy mustache which you refused to shave off until you became Prime Minister. You never got that chance. You passed away this morning. YOU were the reason I was excited to vote. YOU were the reason I DID vote. And now you're gone. I honestly don't see the point in voting anymore.
You wrote a letter to Canada last night, and I have it pulled up right now, but I can't read it. I just can't.
The CBC was interviewing people who knew you, and your old nighbour said that when she saw your last public appearance, you looked so bad. That it "didn't look good" at all. I remember feeling the same way. You looked thin, your clothes just hanging on you, using your form as a support to show themselves off because, for the first time ever, you weren't beaming. And it hurts to think of you like that. I can't read your letter.
But I have to. So here I go.

"August 20, 2011

Toronto, Ontario

Dear Friends,
Tens of thousands of Canadians have written to me in recent weeks to wish me well. I want to thank each and every one of you for your thoughtful, inspiring and often beautiful notes, cards and gifts. Your spirit and love have lit up my home, my spirit, and my determination.
Unfortunately my treatment has not worked out as I hoped. So I am giving this letter to my partner Olivia to share with you in the circumstance in which I cannot continue.
I recommend that Hull-Aylmer MP Nycole Turmel continue her work as our interim leader until a permanent successor is elected.
I recommend the party hold a leadership vote as early as possible in the New Year, on approximately the same timelines as in 2003, so that our new leader has ample time to reconsolidate our team, renew our party and our program, and move forward towards the next election.

A few additional thoughts:
To other Canadians who are on journeys to defeat cancer and to live their lives, I say this: please don’t be discouraged that my own journey hasn’t gone as well as I had hoped. You must not lose your own hope. Treatments and therapies have never been better in the face of this disease. You have every reason to be optimistic, determined, and focused on the future. My only other advice is to cherish every moment with those you love at every stage of your journey, as I have done this summer.

To the members of my party: we’ve done remarkable things together in the past eight years. It has been a privilege to lead the New Democratic Party and I am most grateful for your confidence, your support, and the endless hours of volunteer commitment you have devoted to our cause. There will be those who will try to persuade you to give up our cause. But that cause is much bigger than any one leader. Answer them by recommitting with energy and determination to our work. Remember our proud history of social justice, universal health care, public pensions and making sure no one is left behind. Let’s continue to move forward. Let’s demonstrate in everything we do in the four years before us that we are ready to serve our beloved Canada as its next government.

To the members of our parliamentary caucus: I have been privileged to work with each and every one of you. Our caucus meetings were always the highlight of my week. It has been my role to ask a great deal from you. And now I am going to do so again. Canadians will be closely watching you in the months to come. Colleagues, I know you will make the tens of thousands of members of our party proud of you by demonstrating the same seamless teamwork and solidarity that has earned us the confidence of millions of Canadians in the recent election.

To my fellow Quebecers: On May 2nd, you made an historic decision. You decided that the way to replace Canada’s Conservative federal government with something better was by working together in partnership with progressive-minded Canadians across the country. You made the right decision then; it is still the right decision today; and it will be the right decision right through to the next election, when we will succeed, together. You have elected a superb team of New Democrats to Parliament. They are going to be doing remarkable things in the years to come to make this country better for us all.

To young Canadians: All my life I have worked to make things better. Hope and optimism have defined my political career, and I continue to be hopeful and optimistic about Canada. Young people have been a great source of inspiration for me. I have met and talked with so many of you about your dreams, your frustrations, and your ideas for change. More and more, you are engaging in politics because you want to change things for the better. Many of you have placed your trust in our party. As my time in political life draws to a close I want to share with you my belief in your power to change this country and this world. There are great challenges before you, from the overwhelming nature of climate change to the unfairness of an economy that excludes so many from our collective wealth, and the changes necessary to build a more inclusive and generous Canada. I believe in you. Your energy, your vision, your passion for justice are exactly what this country needs today. You need to be at the heart of our economy, our political life, and our plans for the present and the future.

And finally, to all Canadians: Canada is a great country, one of the hopes of the world. We can be a better one – a country of greater equality, justice, and opportunity. We can build a prosperous economy and a society that shares its benefits more fairly. We can look after our seniors. We can offer better futures for our children. We can do our part to save the world’s environment. We can restore our good name in the world. We can do all of these things because we finally have a party system at the national level where there are real choices; where your vote matters; where working for change can actually bring about change. In the months and years to come, New Democrats will put a compelling new alternative to you. My colleagues in our party are an impressive, committed team. Give them a careful hearing; consider the alternatives; and consider that we can be a better, fairer, more equal country by working together. Don’t let them tell you it can’t be done.

My friends, love is better than anger. Hope is better than fear. Optimism is better than despair. So let us be loving, hopeful and optimistic. And we’ll change the world.

All my very best,
Jack Layton"



You were like a father figure to me. I felt I could trust every single word you said. I saw you as a shining light in Canada's political system, a man of fresh ideas who was always looking out for every Canadian. I was never able to meet you in person (something I now regret), but, and I really don't know how to explain this, I saw you as a loving father. It feels like a family member has died, and it's tearing me up inside! I loved you, like a daughter loves her father. You did amazing, absolutely spectacular things, and you were primed to do so much more!
You weren't supposed to die. You were like Superman!
I really don't feel like voting for anyone else but you would make any sense, but you called us young Canadians to keep up the fight.... so I will.



Sincerely, green_eyes   <3 <3 <3

Dear Korean Women...

Dear Korean Women,
I hate you. Why are you so damned beautiful?!


Sincerely, green_eyes  <3

Dear Libya...

Dear Libya,
Good luck, stay safe!


Sincerely, green_eyes  <3

Dear Korea...(part one of what is sure to be MANY)

Dear Korea,
I love you. I love you so so much, it's almost scary. I want to get over all of my fears and inhibitions and visit you because, simply put, I love you.
Unfortunatley, it is now 1:22am and I need to try to sleep, so I will write you again soon, Korea.


Sincerely, green_eyes  <3

Dear World...

Dear World...
What?! Really?!

Sincerely, green_eyes <3

Dear internet...

Dear Internet,

Yup, another blog. Sorry about leaving the blog-world for so long.

In other news, I'll be using this blog to write short (sometimes one sentence in length) and long letters to people/things/etc. It'll be mainly venting. So....sorry again. D:

Sincerely,  green_eyes